Inspired by the title of a gorgeous song by Volbeat, „Goodbye forever“, I decided to write about letting go. The song itself in fact is not directly about this topic, but the title inspired me to write this post. And I certainly attracted you to klick on the article. Gotcha!

To deal with „letting go“, we have to answer the question: What? Well, I want to talk about letting go of things, people, places, and thoughts! The next questions are: When, why, and how to let them go?

See both sides of the same coin: Letting go and attracting

I think, we should not only talk about letting go, but also about attracting! Actually, I wanted to write about two topics that were on my mind: this one (let go and attract things, people etc.), and about energies. I could not make up my mind with which one to start … And that was the solution: In our life, both aspects belong together. So I will combine them.

What the coin is made of: Energy

First, let me define what I mean by „energy“. I do not think of electricity in this context, neither of biological energy coming from food intake, or potential energy of objects like in kinetics. It is about emotional energy. And how it quickly can transform to (physical) energy – for the good or the bad. Either by giving you energy, or by draining your energy. That is, I think when you realize that something or someone is sucking your energy or donating theirs to you: when you are getting tired and weak, or when you are suddenly feeling loaded up and light. I would even broaden the view from pure emotions to energy that constitutes your soul.

I have thought about these observations already earlier, but then forgot about it. Now that I have returned from a really recreational vacation in Iceland (yes, it is as beautiful as in all the pictures and descriptions), it popped up again. I had become really calm and could preserve this kind of permanent meditative state of mind a bit after I had started my everyday life at home, with friends, and at work. I started to observe conversations, my own behavior and that of others directly surrounding me or interacting with me remotely (for instance via phone or email). I started to think about what or who is giving me energy (in a positive way), or is draining my energy (negative). And vice versa: who am I donating or stealing energy, what things or activities am I really able to energize, to make them work?

How to coin energy: Find out sources and leaks first

Initially, I did not know that it could have something to do with emotions, because normally this is no big deal for me. Not till I stumbled upon an article, or actually was sent an email with a newsletter about personality types, in particular extroverts and introverts, thinkers and feelers. It had the catchy title: „Are You Tired at Work Because of Who You Are?“ and referred to another interesting article in the Harvard Business Review titled „Your High-Intensity Feelings May Be Tiring You Out„.

So, to illustrate the effect I am talking about slightly more, some examples:

• Feeling tired after work without involving physical labor, feeling as if you could directly drop into bed. Then trudging to your sports activity (dancing class, fitness course, running …), and feeling like a newborn baby afterwards, being able to go out, drink and dance all night long.
• Talking to a colleague, friend or family member, and feeling heavier, less motivated, or just somehow not comfortable in your skin afterwards. Without having talked about a difficult or sad topic, just talking, just being in the same room. Or the other way round: meeting with a person, talking, and getting inspired. Feeling hopeful, happy, energized afterwards. Without being able to tell why, to relate it to a specific content of what you have been talking about.
• Going to a place such as your own or someone else’s office, a room, house etc. and immediately feeling dragged down, ugly, stupid, weak. Or feeling cozy, beautiful, clear-minded, motivated and so on.
• Or working at your computer, really doing hard brainwork and writing emails, being either productive, focused and content – or you are getting really tired, no matter if you had a good night’s sleep or not, have a cold or are as fit as a fiddle.

Activities, people, places, thoughts – each one represented in one of the examples above – are good objects to start your observations, if you want to find out your personal energy sources and leaks.

To find them out, I find it helpful to use metaphors:

• Entering a place or scenery, carrying a candle with a steady flame, which immediately dies, as if put into a vacuum bell jar.
• Being nearby or in direct interaction with a person, feeling an inner nod or a a heavy weight on your head pushing your neck together. Or feeling like a fragile blossom or leaf that would be blown away by a puff. Maybe even as if a ghost is in the room and all around you, leaving you cold, like meeting death, disease, decay, high age. Ok, now it is becoming creepy.
• Having the impression that yourself is somewhere else while doing things, or that parts of your body do not belong to you. Or that your body and limbs are as heavy as a 40-ton truck. Maybe you feel your neck as if someone has installed a way too short, but very strong expander inside. Feeling like stuck in a chewy, sticky mass, not being able to go forward.
• Trying to think about something but having a huge cotton batting where actually your brain should be. Or swimming in deep, heavy, black-brown water pulling you down, while you are swimming circles and desperately are trying to get out.

Sorry for choosing the negative part first! Of course, you can do the same analysis to identify positive energy sources. But I think it is easier to let yourself be attracted automatically by positive activities, people, places, thoughts, stuff (if not suffering from depression or so). It is more difficult to recognize energy leaks and thieves, as far as I have experienced it. When I am attracted by positive energy sources, I feel: inspired, happy, bright as a flame, intelligent, clear, sound, one with my body, flying, flowing and floating, securely guided by an invisible hand …

Do not flip a coin: Be the master of your energy balance

Okay, that was the analysis part. The even more interesting question is how to use these insights to improve your energetic balance. Now I am getting back to the initial part of this post: Letting go and attracting. A theory from my own experience is the following (you might have read about the phenomenon elsewhere, I have not, it just popped up in my everyday life): As soon as you know about what gives you energy or what drains it, and as soon as you are able to detect it in the moment it is happening (positively or negatively), you have succeeded to reach the next step. I am sure, you will be able to use such situations for your own advantage, and very important: for the advantage of others as well. Then the learning process begins: How to make use of it, how to cope with it? Bad news: This is very individual, and you have to find out for yourself. There might be loads of books and articles about strategies from more or less a psychological background. Good news: To find out is not that difficult.

I am experimenting with this phenomenon and of course are talking it through with others who think that it is not totally bulls**t. This is the first helpful hint. The second one is: Start to follow what attracts you, and be sure to keep on checking if it gives you positive energy or if it makes you tired, uninspired, bored, sick. I mean: thoughts, things, activities, people, places. Of course, I do not mean stalking people, drinking and eating excessively, stop working and get lazy etc.! Not the morbid way, but what promotes your personality and supports your salvation, and does not harm others. The third hint is: If you are not able to find good things for you to follow (or you start drifting off to morbid stuff and vicious circles), it might be that you do not have enough space for inspiring things. Your mind and soul, or your home and office are cluttered and have to be cleared out! That is where the „letting go“-mechanism can be applied. Yes I am sure that mucking out (giving away) is the best strategy to create space for positive energy to come in (receiving). And again I mean: thoughts, things, activities, people, places.

Then, saying „Goodbye forever“ at the same time means „Hello, nice to meet you“.

How about you? Probably you are used to throwing out stuff to prevent your surroundings from bursting at the seams. But how do you think about throwing people and thoughts out of your life? Never going back to familiar places for instance work place, city, own apartment, after having ignored the negative energy for so long? Or stopping activities, you cannot fully set your heart on and just do it because others admire you? I think it takes a lot of courage to be honest to yourself. And that was hint number four.

Disclaimer: I am neither a psychologist, nor a doctor. Views are my own, and must not be seen as professional advice. I simply hope to give some inspiration, and thus I am sharing my observations with you.